Ode to Dr. J. - Part I

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

I attend the University of Baltimore, (UB) pursuing my undergraduate degree, that was so much more easily attainable 'back in the day.' Now I am chasing that goal, as elusive as it may appear to me now, consoling myself with the knowledge that as each day passes, I am that much closer to my goal. (Oh, how I wish I had listened to Mama and finished school before I had all these responsibilities!)

A Dream Deferred ~ Langston Hughes

"What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore - And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over - Like a syrupy sweet? Maybe it just sages like a heavy load. Or does it explode?"

"It is not so much where we stand, as is what direction we are going" ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

At UB, I had the wonderful opportunity of having a man named
Dr. Thomas Jacklin as my academic advisor. He was affectionately known as "Dr. J." around campus. Dr. J., a slightly eccentric man, always had wind tossled hair, pocket protectors on his wrinkled shirts worn underneath rumpled tweed jackets, and worn corduroy pants. I never knew if he was ever looking directly at me, but it really did not matter. I never saw him smoking, but to me, his office always smelled like the sweet aroma of a fragrant pipe. His walls were covered with pictures of old trains, and his shelves stocked with train figurines. He would go into great detail if you asked about any of his beloved railroadabilia.

Whenever I had an academic question or a perceived problem with one of my classes, Dr. J. took the time to explain, or correct the situation. In his office when he invited me to sit in one of his old beat up stuffed armchairs it was like he was inviting an old friend in for a visit into his family room. He had a way of making everyone feel comfortable like that. He did not rush you in and rush you out, as is so commonplace in other academic institutions. He took time with everyone, instilling their importance, and the importance of their education to him.

One day last Spring as I went to be advised, I noticed that I did not hear Dr.J.'s voice, nor his laughter as I came down the hall. He had a very distinct, strange little giggle that was befitting for him. The whole advising office was dark, and the inner door to his office was closed. Strange...I'd never seen it dark and vacant like this. It saddened me and felt eery simultaneously. I did not know it yet, but it was an omen of what was to come.

I found someone in an office nearby who explained that I had just missed him - he had left early for the day. I left a note for him with her. I felt something was not right when I did not get an email response from him at all that next week. I just assumed that he never got my note from her, so I emailed him. I knew something was not right when he did not respond to my email at all that week. The weeks dragged into months. I finally found out from another student that our beloved Dr. J. was in the hospital battling cancer. More months drag by, and I hear nothing. I wonder how he is doing.

I prayed for him, as often as I thought of him. I heard from another student that they thought they heard that Dr. J. was coming along ok. About 2 weeks ago, I decided to send him an email to let him know that we were thinking about him, and praying for him. I did not know if he was up to reading emails at the time, but I figured whenever he did get around to it, hopefully he'd be encouraged.

I was happy to see in my in-box a response from his email address about a week later! I'm thinking to myself as I am opening up the email, so Dr.J. is doing much better! Amen! Boy, was I floored when I read the email. It turns out that the email was not from Dr. J. but from his wife! In the email she explained to me that Dr. J. had succumbed to his battle with lung cancer, and had died the prior week! He was only 56 years old.

Oh my! NOOOO! It can't be! I was flabbergasted, horrified and saddened all at once. I had sent an email to him, and his wife had to respond because he was dead! I felt so bad about that...but NO! Not our beloved Dr. J! He can't be gone... He just can't be gone! But I was at work when I received this email from his wife...so I just had to suck up all my emotions and internal angst, suppress it and be professional and go about business as usual. There was nothing I could do anyway...

Then comes this week: I really needed some advice about what to do concerning one of my disciplines in my course of study. I know that the Lord was leading me in a different direction than what I had originally mapped out with Dr. J. I needed to know how to go about this change, so that I would not lose any credits. My first instinct still was to contact Dr. J. My emotions that I had managed to bottle up and suppress since last week now overflowed. "Who do I talk to now?" "What would Dr. J. say?" Hot tears started trickling down my face. Then the rivers started to flow...

I was saddened because of my loss, because Dr J. is not here on earth anymore. He was a great advisor, and from what I've heard and read, he was well-respected and well-loved by anyone who knew him, whether it was as a colleague, advisor, instructor, committee member, friend or family member. I am sad for all of us that miss him. I am glad for him, in that he is in a much better place now, free from all pain and suffering. But I never had a chance to say goodbye...

That Spring day gone past when I stopped by his office and everything was dark and vacant, little did I know that particular day was indicative of what was to come. Empty office, lights off. He was gone then, and he's gone now...I'll never see Dr.J. again here on earth...and because I know he's gone permanently, I miss him already.

Looking back now, I can't recall having heard Dr.J. verbally mention anything about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit, but he certainly lived it through his actions. He lived his life serving. He was full of life, fun and energy. He demonstrated a deep love and caring for his fellow man, that was light years beyond just being a 'good person'. If there was anything he could possibly do to help you he would. What greater love can there be, as demonstrated from a human being?

"Dear children let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence." I John 3: 18, 19

I am glad that I did not allow my human perception of first impressions keep me from getting to know this wonderful man. By all appearances, he was quite odd, but in academic circles, he probably fit in more easily appearance-wise than he did in general society. Mama always said, "Never judge a book by its cover." I am glad that in this instance that I did listen to Mama, and took her advice to heart. Our human perceptions of outer beauty are only limited illusions. True beauty lies deep beneath the skin and transcends flesh and bone to shine forth beyond the skin, for all to see. Dr. J. had that kind of beauty.

"You, therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things." Romans 2:1

My relationship with Dr. J. was entirely advisor- advisee, therefore I never had the opportunity to be a student in one of his classes; but I still came away so much richer listening to him, gleaning from his wealth of knowledge and experience in the world of academia.

Dr. Jacklin, may your spirit be at peace having found the Source of all peace and love in our Creator. I'll miss you. I look forward to one day hearing your strange little giggle once again, that makes me just crack up!

"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the peace of God will be with you." Phillipians 4:9

\0/ Click here for Part II.